Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
