in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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