She's JV to your varsity
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
