just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize