Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
