dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
