I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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