Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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