Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
