I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
