What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
