Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
