good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
