I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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