you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
