So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
