its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
