Me too!
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
