I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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