somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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