Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Randomize
