i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
