What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
How naked do you want me to be?
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