how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
