I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize