Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
