There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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