my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
