Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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