I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
