I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
