YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
