drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize