i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
