Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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