It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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