'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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