Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
