I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
