bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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