its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
