I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize