the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
