Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
