i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
