uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
