Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
