I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
