A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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