i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I FOUND THE LEGS
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
