FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
