His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
