Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize