He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
