I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
