break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The air was thick with penises
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
