How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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