So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
