So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Houston, we have a squirter
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You are a genius and a whore.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
