It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize