you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
