She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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