I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I think my fart just growled at me.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
