i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
