um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize