Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
