I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
