I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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