I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
