I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
