I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
