You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
