He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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