If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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