Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
pray to the hookup gods
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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