I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
