I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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