If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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