i permit you to call me
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
