yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
