Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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