So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
