ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
