Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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