I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
