I cockslap morals
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
