i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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