also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize