She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
