having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
