If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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