Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
