I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
