maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
