So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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