nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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