things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just had sex on a roof
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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