he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We got so high we made milksteak
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
