so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
