Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
