I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
