so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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