Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
