I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
