Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Boobs speak an international language.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize