I was born with a shot glass in my hand
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
do nipples grow back?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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