with your own penis?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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