So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
