is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
