mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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