I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
